I don’t know what to do right now. This darkness is killing me. Some kind of feelings, I have. Today, I woke up late, about 11 a.m. Washed my face, had my breakfast, watched tv etc. Very usual day for me again, routines. Papa called me on and he said my grandma was gone to emergency this morning. I was shocked. I put my clothes on and went to hospital. I’d like to introduce this hospital because it looks like indian bazaar. Everywhere in hospital is about to collapse. All these shitty signboards, very big letters, arrows along the hallways… Never seen this kind of hospital on my life. I waited for elevator but it couldn’t come because of some shitty idiot people. I used stares. Saw cardiology department sign and i seeked my grandma around. I asked her name to nurse, she checked and said she was on the intensive care. Hoped she was okay. After I paced up and down, went down in the lift to first floor. Went out and waited a while. After some mins, I saw my aunt while she was going inside. Catch her up, hug, and asked where my grandpa was. She pointed a room, i glanced into the room and saw my grandma. She was good rather than i thought. She was smiling at me. I hug her and i said i was looking her on the fift floor. A doctor came to the room and checked her stability. Everything was usual, he said. She was yelling about her stomachache but doctor said that was normal too. After some mins, pain was gone. I brought some needs they wanted. One of nurses came with wheelchair and took my grandma through the elevator. We waited some mins (we waited so many times for nothing, that’s why i write “we waited…”, wasted our times for waitings) for elevator – big one – and got in. Nurse took my grandma quickly to room reserved for her. She lied slowly. Nurse brought oxygen tube to help my grandma’s breathing. Suddenly grandma asked me to change the channel on tv. I ask for permission from other patient to change. Cahnged the channel to a dating programme. Three hours later, I kissed my grandma and aunt before leaving them. There was nothing i can do, as aunt said. I went home with my sadness. She would be there without any relatives. This is the fact that there could be nobody beside her even her daughter. It was forbidden, rightfully.
Kasım
